It is important for expectant mothers to know your family’s willingness to adjust as time goes on if needed. If you are choosing an open adoption, it is important to respect and fulfill the request of the expectant mothers. There are many ways to honor the requests of birth mothers. Establishing various ways to communicate […]
Every situation we receive can be different based on the needs of the expectant mother and the professionals she has chosen to work with, if any. Fees are due to the professionals the expectant mother has chosen only after a connection has been made with a family. Fees are paid directly to the professional and then disbursed accordingly. A breakdown of the fees are provided in the situation write up to members. As every situation is different, in general some of the fees cover things like medical care, living expenses, transportation to and from prenatal appointments, legal fees, etc. You will need to view each situation write up that you fit the criteria as each situation and expectant mother has their own unique set of needs.
Bringing home baby is one of the biggest, most exciting days in a parent’s life. Most people are nervous and might experience the jitters with the anticipation of the upcoming unknown. Parents have questions. “Now that we’ve matched, what do we do? What should we say to the potential birth mother? What things should we due once our child is home?” Simply put, both adoptive parents and expectant mothers want to know where they go from here.
Prior to bringing home baby, adoptive parents will want to start sleeping with the blanket they will use to wrap their child in. This helps baby learn your scent and he or she will then associate the parents’ scent to the feeling of being safe and secure.
Adoptive parents should be open and honest about their feelings and concerns. Letting the expectant mother know they are a bit nervous for the initial phone call will help put the expectant mother’s own nerves at ease, knowing someone else feels just as anxious and scared as she does.
Adoptive parents will need to discuss the type of adoption plan that the birth mother wants for her baby. Adoptive parents should reiterate their willingness to be flexible if the expectant mother feels she needs to have more or less contact and should not question her decision. While this may be worriesome to some adoptive parents as they would like to keep their information private, it is best to remain as transparent as possible within the legal boundaries. Adoptive parents should remain understanding and respectful if the expectant mother is reserved at first. Some expectant mothers want to know as much as possible about what their child’s upcoming life will ok like, while still others find this painful and choose to know as little as possible. This is her private choice and must remain respected.
Adoptive parents and expectant mothers should talk out the expectant mother’s birth plan and how she envisions her delivery. Expectant mothers should be asked gently how she feels about the adoptive parents being a part of the delivery process and hospital stay. Adoptive parents should remain empathetic to the potential birth mother’s feelings as this is her anxiously anticipated moment of separation and her wishes must remain respected. Adoptive parents may wish to ask the potential birth mother if she would like them to document the process as a gift for her.
You can absolutely use your agency or attorney to complete the adoption for you. They can also work with the expectant mother as long as she agrees.
When people become parents through interracial adoption, they become aware of the needs of their child to incorporate heritage into their everyday lives. While interracial adoption brings its own positive aspects and source of joy, various difficulties arise when there are multiple cultures to blend. It is important that children have access to people in their lives with whom they share a cultural background and/or similar heritage. While initially considering adopting interracially, it is equally important for hopeful adoptive parents to consider what their child’s future will look like while incorporating their child’s cultural and heritage needs.
It is important for hopeful adoptive parents to consider their demographics and their environment when choosing the type of community their child will be raised in and determine whether this will allow the child to have access to other people of their same ethnicity, or people who look like they do. It is extremely important that children be provided the opportunity to fully submerse themselves activities that develop their cultural sense of self. Hopeful adoptive parents should seek out community resources and support to provide them the skills necessary to gain insight. Realizing that children have a right to explore all parts of their heritage is essential, especially for those who are of mixed races and cultural identities
Exploring their child’s cultural language, cuisines, days of celebrations and customs are key ways adoptive families can choose to begin incorporating their child’s cultural background into their lives. Some families choose to teach their child a second language from birth while other families will fix customary meals similar to their child’s ethnicities several times a month. Many adoptive families attend multi culture fairs and choose playdates that expose their children to others with similar backgrounds. Children who grow up in homes where they are presented opportunities to become culturally fluid, allows for them to be better bicultural adults who can comfortably congregate with many various faces of people, leading the way to a very organic and open worldview and therefor making them better versed adults in the workforce.
Adoptive parents must be willing to accept their limited role in their child’s cultural background and be able to identify when they need to step out of their realm of comfort to make connections with persons submerged within those cultures, and thus coming together to bridge the gap and build meaningful relationships to broaden the circle of support for the sake of their child. To help a child become more culturally aware, all it takes is a willing and supportive parent who embraces their child regardless of what their DNA might look like. What really matters is that a child learns to be comfortable with themselves, regardless of where they came from.
The answer is….It depends on the specific situation and whether the adoption professional you are working with made you sign any exclusivity agreements when you signed up to use their services.
Here are some scenarios you might encounter:
- You match with a private/independent situation listed with Adoption For My Child.
Because the expectant mother is unrepresented, you can request that she work with your attorney (and/or current agency) to finalize the adoption (unless state law requires you to work with an agency in the mother’s home state and you are from another).
- You match with a NON-private situation listed with Adoption For My Child.
Because the expectant mother is already being represented by an adoption professional, it is expected (in most cases) that you would leave your current agency or consultant and finalize the adoption with the original adoption professional who brought the adoption situation to Adoption For My Child.
- If you have already have an attorney, you are always entitled to keep using your attorney regardless of what type of situation (private or non-private), HOWEVER, if the mother is already represented by one, you should plan to pay for her attorney fees as well as your own. Maintaining your own separate attorney ensures that your best interests are always represented.
- If you match with an independent situation and she lives in an “agency only” state, you will need to find an agency (usually from her state) to finalize the adoption, regardless if you already have an attorney or agency in your home state.
Birth parents can remain an active part of their child’s life through pictures, letters, phone calls, and even visits, if desired. Though it’s important to note that this openness agreement is based on trust and is not legally enforceable. Therefore, we recommend birth parents and adoptive parents understand this and communicate with their caseworker, attorney or agency to help manage expectations if issues were to arise.
Finding the Right Family
A key service of Adoption For My Child is helping you to find the adoptive family that you feel is perfect for your child. At Adoption For My Child, we understand that you’re not just looking up a family that will give your child a wonderful life–you are searching for the right family that has all the qualities you want for your child, a family that you feel comfortable with, and a family that you can trust to raise your child.
We can assist you in identifying families who have the qualities you are looking for and connect you with the families you are interested in. We have access to hundreds of families for you to choose from with diverse backgrounds and beliefs.
Choosing the family you feel would be a perfect fit for your child can be an exciting and overwhelming time. You may be thinking, “There are so many qualified families out there, how will I be able to choose?” Expectant/Birth parents, we suggest the following four tasks guide you through this process.
- Identify the qualities you’re looking for. Write down the items that are nonnegotiable for the family you choose. Some examples would be religion, location, and contact after placement. Then add “wants” to the list. These could be things like hobbies and interests. This list will help you define what the family you want looks like.
- Listen to your heart. After you’ve made your list and start looking at families, listen to your heart. There may be families that have all the qualities on your list but just don’t feel “right.” On the flip side, there may be families who don’t have all the items on your list but seem worth connecting. Follow your instincts.
- Reach out and make a connection. After you’ve listened to your heart and identified families you think may be a perfect family to raise your child, reach out and make that real-life connection. It’s okay to reach out to several families at the same time to compare how you feel with each one. The ideal match is out there! You can (and should) be picky! Make sure you talk about communication after placement and what you desire for your continued involvement. These conversations can be difficult. If you start to feel overwhelmed, be sure to lean on your adoption professional for help.
- Take your time. This is your story. You are the one who makes the decisions for you and your baby. You have the right to choose whatever family you desire to parent your child. This is a lifelong decision. Take your time.
Of course, some families may have red flags for you, but there is the right family out there for your child. Families that agree too quickly, appear secretive, and are vague may not be the right family to build an open adoption with.
In 2017 various news outlets reported on a news release from the USDA that the average cost of raising a child from birth to age 17 is more that $230,000. That comes out to more than $12,000 every year. Money and financial planning should play a huge part in deciding to give your baby for adoption, however please note resources are available and we will do everything in our power to help you succeed if parenting is a choice you choose to pursue.
Adoption For My Child connects you with compassionate and experienced adoption counselors are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They will help you with every step of the process from making the decision to parent or place your child, choosing the adoptive family, even being with you at the hospital when you give birth if that is what you wish. You can continue to work with a counselor for as long as you choose after placement until you feel ready and able to move on.
We do not have any religious or political affiliation, and are fully committed to helping children find permanent loving families.