Bringing home baby is one of the biggest, most exciting days in a parent’s life. Most people are nervous and might experience the jitters with the anticipation of the upcoming unknown. Parents have questions. “Now that we’ve matched, what do we do? What should we say to the potential birth mother? What things should we do once our child is home?” Simply put, both adoptive parents and expectant mothers want to know where they go from here.
Prior to bringing home baby, adoptive parents will want to start sleeping with the blanket they will use to wrap their child in. This helps baby learn your scent and he or she will then associate the parents’ scent to the feeling of being safe and secure.
Adoptive parents should be open and honest about their feelings and concerns. Letting the expectant mother know they are a bit nervous for the initial phone call will help put the expectant mother’s own nerves at ease, knowing someone else feels just as anxious and scared as she does.
Adoptive parents will need to discuss the type of adoption plan that the birth mother wants for her baby. Adoptive parents should reiterate their willingness to be flexible if the expectant mother feels she needs to have more or less contact and should not question her decision. While this may be worrisome to some adoptive parents as they would like to keep their information private, it is best to remain as transparent as possible within the legal boundaries. Adoptive parents should remain accommodating and respectful if the expectant mother is reserved at first. Some expectant mothers want to know as much as possible about what their child’s upcoming life will look like, while still others find this painful and choose to know as little as possible. This is her private choice and must remain respected.
Adoptive parents and expectant mothers should talk about the expectant mother’s birth plan and how she envisions her delivery. Expectant mothers should be asked gently how she feels about the adoptive parents being a part of the delivery process and hospital stay. Adoptive parents should remain empathetic to the potential birth mother’s feelings as this is her anxiously anticipated moment of separation and her wishes must remain respected. Adoptive parents may wish to ask the potential birth mother if she would like them to document the process as a gift for her.