A Journey to Finding the Right Adoption Resource: Lessons Learned and Hope Realized

A year before my husband and I connected with Adoption For My Child (AFMC), we were working with a well-known adoption facilitator. It started off promisingly; we had a consultation with their director, who told us everything we wanted to hear. In hindsight, his approach felt more like a sales pitch than genuine guidance. We received a contract, and in our excitement, we signed it without thoroughly reviewing the details. Looking back, we wish we had asked a trusted family member or friend to review it first—they might have caught some red flags we overlooked.

After sending a substantial payment (close to $20,000), we began working with their profile coordinator. Initially, we filled out detailed information about ourselves, our family, and our community. However, we were taken aback when the coordinator suggested I use my middle name or change the spelling of my name to “protect” us from being found by a birth mother in the future. This felt unsettling and unnecessary.

The company had promised monthly calls to update us on how often our profile was shown. However, these calls were brief, rushed, and lacked meaningful updates. If we asked questions, the response was usually, “Let me check and get back to you,” but we rarely received follow-ups.

Our first “match” with an expectant mother turned out to be disheartening. She revealed she hadn’t chosen us but was told by the company we were “a perfect fit.” The situation quickly fell apart when the coordinator reportedly told her to “find a homeless shelter” for her needs, a shocking and unprofessional response.

Subsequent matches were no better. In one case, we discovered through social media that the expectant mother wasn’t pregnant and was actively mocking families online for believing her. We reported this to the company, only to face resistance and a lack of transparency. They refused to address our concerns in writing, opting only for phone calls. After multiple failed matches and questionable practices, we knew this facilitator was not aligned with our family’s values and decided to look elsewhere.

Nine months into the process, we began researching other options. We carefully reviewed how different companies operated, conducted interviews, and asked detailed questions. Many facilitators and agencies seemed to follow similar questionable practices, but one organization stood out: Adoption For My Child (AFMC).

What set AFMC apart was their transparency. Each situation posted on their platform included detailed information: estimated costs, whether the expectant mother (EM) was working with an agency, her preferences for a family, and the type of adoption she desired (open, semi-open, or closed). This allowed us to make informed decisions about whether a situation aligned with our family’s needs and values. We signed up with AFMC for six months, and the experience was immediately different. The team, including Amy, was responsive and genuinely helpful. They answered all our questions without rushing us and provided guidance that demonstrated a deep understanding of the adoption process. Amy’s empathy and professionalism stood out—she offered thoughtful suggestions for enhancing our profile and provided insights that were invaluable.

Unlike other organizations we encountered, AFMC’s platform empowered both the expectant mother and the prospective adoptive parents. The EMs were in control of choosing the family that felt right for them, and AFMC facilitated the process by providing clear information and resources. When we submitted our profile for a situation, the team was honest about whether our family met the EM’s preferences, helping us focus on opportunities that were a good fit.

Within our first month with AFMC, we were matched! While we understood there was always the possibility the EM might choose to parent, we felt confident knowing AFMC had created a process that allowed everyone involved to make informed decisions.

Lessons Learned:
If we could share advice with anyone beginning their adoption journey, it would be:

1. Speak with multiple agencies and facilitators. Ask detailed questions about how they operate and request referrals.
2. Have someone you trust—but who isn’t emotionally invested in the process—review all contracts.
3. Keep detailed notes and maintain a file for all adoption-related documents and communications.
4. Use email as much as possible to create a clear paper trail.
5. Work with a company and attorney whose values align with your own.
6. Be honest and authentic with the expectant mother. Starting the relationship with transparency builds trust and lays a strong foundation for the future.